Funeral Arrangements

Funeral arrangements are not easy, and don’t expect them to be. Hopefully you and your spouse have taken the time to talk about one another’s wishes with respect to the funeral before the passing. Whether you did or not, it’s ok; you will get through it. However, when you do go to the funeral home to make your arrangements, take a close friend or relative with you. Someone you trust and someone who will be able to set their own emotions aside to be a strong support for you, especially during the decision-making process.

The following list demonstrates some ideas that you will want to consider during the planning process:

•          Look at your budget and determine how much money you have to use. The following steps should be done prior to going to the funeral home:

  •          If you have life insurance, then you should have ample funds to handle any type of service you choose

  •          If you have no life insurance, then determine a budget from your own savings, and also find out if other family members will be helping with the expenses

•          Work with the funeral home assistants to find what you’re looking for, but do not feel obligated or pressured in any way to purchase something if you’re not comfortable with the look or the cost. Remember, this is for your loved one, not for anyone else’s.

•          Let’s talk for a moment about ways you can reduce costs if you are on a budget:

  •          Utilize family and friends for emotional, financial, and volunteer labor whenever possible   

  •          Don’t spend a lot of money on flowers. Family and friends will be bringing them and having them sent to the funeral home in honor of your spouse

  •          Cremation

    •          When cremation becomes the choice, you then have to decide whether or not you want to have a viewing prior to the actual funeral service

    •          If you do, you will need to also purchase a casket for your spouse

    •          If you don’t choose to have a viewing, you can simply have a memorial honoring your spouse at the service

    •          If you choose to have a memorial as opposed to a viewing, you can have friends and family assist you with picture boards and/or videos/slideshows that can be played prior to the service, honoring your spouse

    •          Upon choosing cremation, the funeral home assistant will try and sell you a beautiful urn for the ashes. These are generally quite expensive, but you do not have to feel obligated to purchase one from the funeral home

    •          You can have the ashes given to you in a box provided by the funeral home for a nominal cost. Then you can research various stores to look for an urn, vase, or even a simple box that is decorated in a way that would glorify your spouse. This can be done inexpensively, allowing you to use the funds for something else more pressing

  •         Burial

    •          Find a casket that is reasonable in price, but still something that compliments your spouse

    •          Do not feel obligated to choose the most expensive wood, framing, or material. There are many options that are still just as beautiful as those that may cost thousands of additional dollars

    •          You will be asked to select the paper, the scripture, and the message for the programs of the funeral. Generally, this is inexpensive, but if you feel that you have a family member or friend that would like to help out by making the programs themselves, accept the assistance

    •          Do not feel obligated to have employees of the funeral home assist in the funeral, especially if they charge for the service. The services they are offering can generally be done by family and/or friends

  •          Reception – The reception is a celebration of your spouse. It is for friends and family to laugh together, cry together, share stories, and honor your spouse in an unrestricted manner

    •          If you’re on a budget, hold the reception at either your home or the home of a close family member or friend

    •          If you have your service at a church, they will generally allow you to use their reception hall at no additional charge, but this is something you would need to research

    •          To cut down on food costs, ask family and friends to bring food and drinks. You could even assign certain individuals specific responsibilities to ensure there are no duplicated efforts

    •          If the reception is at your house, ask someone you trust to answer the phone for you. It can become draining talking to numerous people, all of which mean well. You will also, at some point, need to pull yourself away from the emotional exhaustion

•          Final selections at the funeral home

  •          The funeral home assistant will give you a recap of all the selections that you have made and what the cost will be

  •         At this point, the assistant will ask you if you would like a copy of the death certificate. You will need to request 7 copies of the death certificate. You will need this many because when you start dealing with the financial affairs (bank, life insurance, possible car loan payoff, etc.), you will be asked to provide an ORIGINAL copy of the death certificate. If you don’t get the death certificates at this point, it will take you several weeks to receive them if you order them at a later time.